(This article originally appeared in the TAU-USA Fall 2024  Issue #113)

by Fr. Marek Stybor, OFM Conv.

President-in-turn, CNSA

Conflict is deeply embedded in the human heart and the entire history of salvation. The entire Bible from Genesis to Revelations is an endless series of conflicts between God and the evil spirit, between good and evil, love and hate, and heaven and hell.

St. Paul writes that there is a fight in my heart between good and evil. In every healthy community, there are differences of opinion which can result in conflict, confrontation, and a fight for the dominance of opinions and views. The Gospel includes the never-ending conflict of Jesus with the Pharisees.

Jesus did not seek this conflict, but by preaching the Gospel, He provoked people to stand for the truth, and this always results in conflict.

It is no different in the family or the religious community. Often, we are not looking for conflict, but the conflict is looking for us. St. Francis, a symbol of peace and forgiveness, conflicted with his father, mother, the inhabitants of Assisi, and his brothers. When he radically lived the Gospel, he was in conflict.

Jesus says that he did not bring peace, but a sword. Defining oneself by the values of the Gospel automatically invites conflict. Conflict often ends with the rejection of one of the parties. We find this example in Jesus, Francis, and thousands of saints. The holiness of life provokes, is uncomfortable, and creates conflict. The history of conflict is rich, hidden in human fear, which is the fruit of original sin.

Tools that Jesus gives us in conflict situations

1. PRAYER: Jesus prays to the Father: “Father, make them One…”

Prayer is the first and most important step.

2. DIALOGUE:

The Lord Jesus teaches dialogue, especially in His meeting with the Samaritan woman. Only Jesus and the Samaritan woman without witnesses (Jn:4). There is a sincere conversation from heart to heart.

3. THE SACRAMENT OF RECONCILIATION:

This gift of the Church has a huge impact on healing tensions in the community. Focus on Jesus’ Mercy.

4. TIME: Time heals wounds. There are no quick cures and sometimes it takes a whole lifetime for

5. RECONCILIATION WITH ANOTHER PERSON:

This is always God’s greatest miracle. It requires God’s intervention. On the cross, Jesus asks the Father: “Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.” Ask God like Jesus did on the cross.

5. SPIRITUALITY OF FAILURE: Jesus and Francis teach us that to win you must lose.

Defeat on the cross brings fruit of Resurrection. This is God’s most beautiful logic of love. Without crucified love we will not solve any conflict, we will only deepen it. Love that knows how to lose allows itself to be crucified and will overcome the conflict. It will bring peace of heart. I wish you this peace of heart.

Let me share a story from SOCRATES, who is famous for resolving conflicts:

Two brothers had a quarrel over the property, the inheritance of their parents. So, they came to Socrates, and he awarded the share to the older brother, and after listening to the younger one, also to him.

Socrates’ wife reacted to this and exclaimed from the kitchen, “Socrates, you are a fool! How can both brothers be right?

To which Socrates replied to his wife…View of two person's feet looking down on the number - from one person's side it is 9; for the other person it is 6

“You’re right too.”

Discovering part of the truth in each side is a wise way to resolve conflicts.

It is worth trying.

Another great example for conflict resolution:

Woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:1 – 11).

Jesus teaches us in this dramatic scene how to free human hands from the stones of judgments. In this scene everyone is trapped: woman, Jesus, people with stones. Jesus solves the conflict brilliantly. He invites only those who are without guilt or sin to deal out the execution.

Saint Francis repeated that he himself is the greatest sinner on earth who needs conversion, mercy and forgiveness. I believe this is the best therapy for conflict healing. St. Francis still attracts so many because he focused first on his own conversion.

Let me conclude my reflection with “Story about Grandma and Grandson.”

The grandson, who is in the Church, was forced to attend Mass with his grandmother, even though he wanted to stay at home and play on the computer.

He spoke… at the beginning of Holy Mass:

                                                              “Her fault,

                                                                     Her fault,

                                                                          Her most grievous fault.”